Many Happy Returns

Contrary to popular belief, the holiday shopping season is far from over, for me the fun has just begun. Now that all the gifts are unwrapped, I am left with a pile of things not on Santas list leading to a post holiday moral dilemma. What is the proper etiquette for returning gifts? Certain rules make returning acceptable, usually involving an exchange rather than a return. A good rule of thumb is trading for size, fit or even color. However, after receiving three identical hooded sweatshirts embroidered with my initial, this rule would need review. These three gifts led me to a holiday epiphany, my name is Mary and I return gifts that I do not need.
All three gifts were sent along with a gift receipt or as I like to call it the gift givers get out of jail free card. The gift receipt which must have been created by a non committal shopper not only assuages the guilt of the receiver but also creates credibility for the gift giver. It also allows the person returning the gift to receive full purchase price. Without the gift receipt, the retailer will give the current price of the item which might be considerably less.
When receiving the second of the hooded sweatshirts, I was told there is a gift receipt if it does not work out, for some reason. Having a sweatshirt, not work out seemed like a strong opinion for active wear. Even so, the idea of non committal gift giving was completely liberating. It was as if I was granted permission for rejecting a gift that was carefully chosen with me in mind.
But more than being able to return the gifts without guilt, I began to wonder how the gifts were chosen to begin with. Like most people I know, the holiday gift giving list includes familiar friends, family and coworkers, most of which are bought for year in and year out. The pressure to come up with a unique gift on an annual basis can be daunting. Many people have come to rely on the gift card as a way to avoid this pressure. Others that I know will keep these gifts on what they affectionately refer to as the regift pile, a compilation of gifts that might be repurposed for another occasion. I believe this practice will ultimately lead to an endless chain of one gift being passed back and forth over and over until we ultimately receive what we started with. The Panettone cake is a likely candidate that seems to be making its way around our holiday households. So why not break the circle by bringing the gift back to the source? I relish this time of year to take advantage of post holiday shopping with a pile of credit in my pocket. Viva the gift receipt!
Now, while I am happy to head off to the store to make returns, there is a sensitivity issue that exists when about to haul off your well intended friends gifts to the store. Certainly you will have to account for the uncomfortable conversations that might come up when your husbands boss asks how you like the reindeer topped wine carafe that she bought you last year. Thanking her for the thoughtful gift and letting her know that the gift was put to good use is the best way out of this sticky situation. As for other returns, I usually head them off at the pass and tell them if something did not fit or if it needed to be exchanged. This type of tactful disclosure is always appreciated.
And for a return free holiday in the future, I would recommend a few guidelines that will help to minimize returns:
1. Get ahead of holiday shopping by buying gifts for friends and family when you see them, instead of waiting till the last minute
2. Make your intentions clear to those you plan to exchange with and be candid with those you are not exchanging with
3. Try a holiday grab bag for families where each person chooses one name. Thanksgiving can be a great time to do this.
4. Always ask retailers about return policies before purchasing, so if the gift needs to be exchanged, the process will be easier
5. Include a gift receipt to make returns hassle-free

Get your holiday in order!

The most special time of the year can be less stressful and more organized! Here are tips to keep your holiday in order

1. A holiday baking party does triple duty—bonding, baking and gifting. Even the non-bakers can take part by packaging all the yummy treats.
2. Do you have a great shop on the way to work or a gourmet store that you pass on the way to your childs soccer game? Make your commute work for you by stopping along the way instead of making an extra trip.
3. Take time to breathe! Try a 15 minute meditation or walk around the block to create space in your day.
4. Be realistic about how much time you have by respecting your schedule. Confusion comes when too many choices distract us.
5. Do not practice the one for you, one for me shopping approach. Stick to being Santas little helper instead.
6. Create your own team of elves by including everyone in crafts, baking and decorating. You might just start a new family tradition.
7. Re-use, recycle, but never re-gift! A gift should be given from the heart and chosen with care. It is acceptable to pass along something to someone who needs it, but never pass along anothers gift as your own.
8. Watch your excesses. This is the time to indulge, so stay hydrated by drinking one glass of water per holiday cocktail or eggnog.

Get organized for the holidays now

Now is the perfect time to bring order to the holidays with these great tips! The key is to know your limitations and stick to your plan…
1. Be a Bah Humbug Learn to say no thank you early to invitations instead of procrastinating. You cannot be in two places at one time, so choose only the must attends to avoid holiday burnout.
2. Discuss family commitments early and let your plans be known. Dividing time between families can be stressful; alternating holidays is one solution to avoid spending your holiday on the road.
3. For holiday travelers, keep a duplicate bag of toiletries in your suitcase and pack early. This will put you ahead of last minute mishaps. By taking a trial run, you will also identify any items needed for the trip.
4. Evening is a great time to unwind with some easy holiday prep. Use your appointment television time for holiday correspondence and gift wrapping.
5. Customized holiday cards are just one click away with www.babyidesign.com. Just send your favorite photograph, pick your design and have cards created especially for you. Deadline for this year is December 5 for Christmas delivery.
6. Stick to your exercise program. Now is the time you really need the energy that working out provides.
7. Consider a charitable donation as a gift. Slip a message into a holiday card and your gift giving is done all in one!
8. We all have that phone call or report that we procrastinate over, instead of doing. Make that task your first of the day, taking the weight of your mind for the rest of the day.
9. Do not get caught up in holiday dressing. Do you really need a new black cocktail dress when the three you have hanging in your closet will suit the occasion perfectly?
10. Instead of sending gifts to friends, plan a get together in lieu of gifts. Anyone for a yoga class and green tea date?

Order for the holidays

Every year, we say we will start our holiday preparations early and before we know it, the holiday season is upon us, urging us to be our holiday best. The holiday time is supposed to be the most joyous time of year, but with all the shopping and multitasking, we find ourselves caught on a yuletide treadmill trying to get everything done. Not content to spend my time on line at the mall during this season, I vowed to recapture my childhood love of the holidays and in so doing created a new way to approach the season, not only with joy in my heart, but a solid plan to follow. Here are my best tips to simplify the holiday season. It is one list you will want to check twice.
A little preparation can go a long way to ensure a happy holiday season…
1. Make a list and check it twice. Include the people you need to buy for, the holiday cards you need to send and the cookies you need to bake. Start from the bottom and cut at least 10 items.
2. Set a holiday budget. Don’t make this the season of unnecessary spending. Be cautious about holiday sales which may cause you to buy things based on price not on necessity.
3. Balance your work and play. At year end, it is time to wrap up not only your presents, but also your pre-holiday work. Plan a daily strategy that will ensure you get the priorities done first.
4. Put technology to work for you, by inputting deadlines for shipping, mailing cards and responding to invites into your day planner along with other deadlines.
5. It’s all in the bag, the family grab bag that is. Instead of struggling with new gift ideas for your ever growing family, have each family member pick one name to exchange with.
6. Avoid clutter by designating a holiday headquarters for gifts, wrap and treats. Assigning a space for items will help prevent clutter and save time when you need to find what you need.

Merger

Kmart and Sears did it, Proctor and Gamble did it, even Hall and Oates did it. These days, everyone seems to be creating mergers. So, why is it so difficult for my fiancé and me to create our own merger? In our case, the merger takes place in one apartment. But let’s be specific, our lives are a side issue to the main attraction, an endless supply of “stuff.” Like Noah loading the arc, we take stock of the cargo: two VCR players, two televisions, two microwaves, two toasters and two complete sets of every Van Morrison album, his vinyl, and mine compact disc. Perhaps we are more compatible than we thought?
What happened next was less about teamwork and more about shameless competition. We bargained over who had the better copy of Bob Dylan Blonde on Blonde, who had the better telephone and whose comforter was softer. During this process, we realized that other voices demanded notice, most notably those of our past relationships. When leafing through his weathered edition of Walden Pond, I shouted, “Who the heck is Lindsey?” Our stuff was telling our story even when we said nothing. At the same time in an apartment across the Hudson River, my friend Dianna was emptying the contents of her New York apartment and life. While preparing for her west coast move, she found a pair of skis and exclaimed, “those skis are so three boyfriends ago!”

Whether it’s Walden Pond or dusty skis, we all were holding on to stuff from people that we used to be. This came to a screeching halt when the moving truck arrived and began to unload the contents of my new roomies former apartment. A 1970’s style “Papason” chair was loaded in and began to make its way into the living room. I guess you could say it was the rattan that broke the camel’s back.
We faced our first challenge as a couple. Our mission was to figure out how to merge into a single lane without getting sideswiped. We realized quickly that our styles were a bit diverse, his modern fraternity and mine maximal consumer. Here in lie the differences between the single woman and the single man’s apartment.
A quick run down of the contents gives a better sense. His: collection of every ticket stub to every dead show he attended, fichus tree, drum set and a full set of college mugs. The move represented the swan song of his bachelorhood. Hers: 75 pair of shoes, two closets full of clothing, and glassware for every cocktail known to man. The move represented her preparedness for any situation with the right outfit and appropriate wine glass.
Since my business is running a company called Order, one can imagine the disarray that this move represents. On a daily basis, clients seek my help with these kinds of situations. Feeling like one of those parents who says, not my kid, the problem hit home, my home specifically. Insert rim shot here. Thank god we kept the drum set.

I was faced with a professional and highly personal challenge. How to merge households with the least amount of friction? Some tried and true advice turned out to be the most practical. Before moving in, we took inventory of all the items to avoid duplicates. The duplicate items were set aside for our annual garage sale and put into our storage space. The large collection of music was culled for doubles which were then sold to a second hand record store in town. With closet space at a premium, each of us held a fashion show for one another with veto ability to ensure that we looked our best. Consignment and resale shops accepted many of our discarded or ill fitting fashions. Furniture was judged on its merits only, without emotion. Only the most functional would survive, the rest was donated to a local shelter no questions asked. All memorabilia to be kept was placed in matching storage bins and labeled properly. Why keep these memories if not well preserved? In the end, we had recouped a bit of money with which to buy some new things, together. But most importantly, we learned to put our stuff aside and make room for each other.

My new shopping obsession

As a recovering shopaholic, everyday is a struggle to stay out of the stores. This summer has been a significant turning point in my shopping evolution. Recently, I was turned onto a new healthier obsession, still requiring me to spend unrestricted time in my closet, but this time turning my misguided purchases into cash.

Sure, I have done my share of charity and consignment where you get a handy tax slip or $2.00 for your mildly worn Gucci sandals, but my new obsession offers sport as well as cash.

I have always been tempted to do Ebay, but the picture taking, shipping and online world always seemed a bit scary. A store opened nearby that will take care of all of that for me, the store is called Urban Auctioneer, an Ebay superstore. What a god send! In fact, my three bulging closets have been cut back to one single and a shared coat closet. The real purge has begun.

And, you can even watch the auction as you say "bye bye" to your possessions. Nothing helps with separation anxiety than watching people bid real cash on your unwanted items.

If you have fine designer goods, this is the place for you. Especially for items that you have not worn much and will never wear!

My task is to now take the Ebay money and deposit into my bank account rather than going out to Cole Haan for a splurge. This might be the hardest part of all.

I encourage you to google your area Ebay store and start selling!

Something better will come along...

My favorite organizing principle? Make space and let go, the universe will reward with you something even better.

Until recently, that meant donating my gently worn Guccis loafers and upgrading to Prada sling backs. Sure, the principle is the same, but altered to fit my never ending fashion needs. The real concept is the giving up of the shoes, the handbags, the paper or even the day planner to free ourselves. Once free, it seems a cosmic charge is released in the universe and things seem to happen.

Cutting back on my out of control shopping, saved me time and energy, allowing me to tap into a new life and a new career, one that was seemingly buried under all that clothing.

After fourteen years organizing tour schedules and promoting authors in publishing, I would hop to the other side and publish my own book. It seemed my closet held the key...

The yogis, the zen buddhist and feng shui practioners all agree that making space allows us to free ourselves from mental and physical clutter. This clearing enables us to live freer, without attachment.

I would update the idea of attachment, one better, it is fine to be attached to the good things, friends, family, a partner, a pet. These are good examples of attachment showing love and commitment properly assigned. The danger is misplacing these emotions on things, not people.

After all, I would rather collect friends and experiences, than shoes, even really nice shoes.

Do you have a similar story, let me know, you just might be part of my next article or book!

Lessons from my mom

I am searching for my keys the other day. I had just put them down and started a conversation with my mother as we were on our way out for an afternoon of shopping.

Again, more support comes from the shopping is herditary case I have been building for years.

As I am looking around the living room, my mom tells me, the professional organizer, "If you put your things in the same place all the time, you will not spend your time searching for them."

She is right again, bringing me to a new conclusion, I learned not only shopping from my mom, but also how to stay organized!

More lessons to come on this blog, I am sure.

Organizing Coach

Coaching is on my mind today. Coaches support your goals, help you come up with a plan and hold you accountable for your actions-- they help us to achieve our goals.

I like this idea! As a small business owner and writer, support is incredibly valuable and rare.
This week I am taking a cue from the coaches by helping my clients to set the following goals:

• Create accountability
• Formulate a plan
• Take action
• Maintain progress

My role to support all of the above, in essence to become a new kind of coach, the organizing coach!

When I start a new project, I am always slow to begin, not knowing what to do first, I usually ask a colleague or friend when I am most stuck. If you think you are ready for a change, ask a trusted friend or colleague for their thoughts and be open to their response. Having a support soundboard is a great way to start. Real change can come when we are open to change. You might be surprised to see how much support is all around you.

Clean your closet, change your life

I love when the seasons change.

Being uber-organized, I jump into my closet and make piles of winter wools for the dry cleaner and pile cashmere sweaters and scarves to be put in the delicate cycle. Walking into my home at this time, you will find fine washables blocked out on any flat space available. The preparation for spring and summer has begun.

I take stock of what was used and what wasn't, what wore well and got worn out. As the switch is made from turtleneck to tank top, I look at my wardrobe for the new season and make mental notes of things needed.

Here are some good tips for preparing for the new season:

1. Grab a fashion magazine before you shop to identify the right trends for you.

2. Look at your basics, summer cottons do not show damage well, take stock of your tees!

3. Shop with a list of the things you need.

4. Try on last season's clothing, perhaps its time to jump start your exercise as well.

5. Put together a pile for donation or consignment. Resale shops will be looking for spring and summer now. So make sure you are only bringing in season clothes.

Your closet can offer the keys to how you live. What you wear can often dictate where you have been. But only you can decide where you are going!

Revolving Clutter

I realize that clutter is a lot like debt, some times it sits around, some times you add to it and almost always it never seems to go away. The best approach is to chip away a little at a time. Taking small steps can be the best way to get to a bigger goal.

Start small with a drawer, a file or a box.

Make an appointment with yourself every week to tackle another part of the project.
Honor that time and show up, in other words, no excuses.

Throw away information that is easily retrievable online or multiple copies of the same item.

Invest in a paper shredder to shred personal information.

Use a bottoms up approach, clearing floor space will raise your energy level immediately.

These simple steps will help to keep clutter to a minimum and put a stop to revolving clutter. After that, you can tackle bigger projects, perhaps even your credit cards!

Project Lent

It is the lent halfway point and I have successfully given up desert, even resisiting chocolate cheesecake at a party the other day. My bonus sacrifice this year was to give up complaining which seemed like even more of a challenge, since no desert would certainly lead to a grumpier disposition.

Each year, I try to increase the degree of difficulty, always trying to be mindful of a new way to test my discipline.

As I pass on the chocolate bars, the lemon drop cookies and the coconut custard pie, I am reminded of my power to say no, to resist. If anything, that is what lent always reminds me of, that the choice to do or not to do is solely mine. A pretty good reminder to take with me all year long.

The church tells us that those who truly understand the meaning of lent emerge as a completely changed person. Nearly midway through this year and having had to say no more often yes, I can see myself willpower increasing, a subtle but notable change-- and that is nothing to complain about.

Is Everyone shopping?

At times, having an addiction, albeit a shopping addiction can be a lonely road. Each day, I fight the daily temptations: commercials for Old Navy, emails from DSW and catalogues from Bloomingdales. Each day offers a new opportunity, a new sale or a new shipment.

In an effort to escape it all, I tune into the new season of HBO; perhaps some edgy cable television sans commercials will take me away from the temptation of the shop?

As if fate was toying with me, the Sopranos features Carmela sporting her latest accessory, a sporty little porsche, a big shop indeed! The new series, Big Love, a program about Mormons followed suit by featuring a shopaholic who charges thousands of dollars on her husband's credit card!

Is it just me or is everyone shopping?

And while it is comforting to know that you are not alone, it still boils down to the same thing. Addiction, in any form is an uphill battle fought daily.

Lent for one year?

At this time of year, people are talking about giving things up. I know I am. Growing up catholic, I was encouraged to give something up for Lent. Even then, I chose waistline impacters, like chocolate or ice cream, a trend that continues today, I still take Lent seriously. Lent now can be a multitasker, dietary restriction and spirtual sacrifice.

The fact is, whatever your religion, you can take part in the spirit of sacrifice. And while this year, desert is a no no for the next 40 days, I decided to also take on challenge, to be more positive. This year I am relearning another childhood lesson, if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Perhaps those lessons of childhood are pretty good after all?

For more inspiration, check out my book "Give It Up! My Year of Learning to Live Better with Less!" where I talk about giving something up every month, extending lent for one year.

The Key is Preparation

I think I am invincible, don't you?

Every once in a while, I am reminded that I am not. That was the case this morning, when running one of the last errand to prepare for a trip out of town. I was ultra organized and ready to jet, things seemed to be in their proper place.

As I left my home this morning for the bank, I inadvertenly left my keys on the hook. Not having a neighbor with a spare key, I would rely soley on the superintendent to get the keys. I realized this morning after the super did not answer, that an alternate plan was needed.

On my to do list, have an emergency plan. A few choice neighbors will be receiving a key to my home and perhaps a key to my sanity, as well.

I will never go unprepared again, after all I am only human.

I am living better with less

My first book has just been published, "Give it Up! My Year of Learning to Live BetterWith Less!" in which I discuss eliminating the clutter from my life and distraction from my life.

Living on the fast track with designer shoes, cell phone in hand, I spent tons of money on things unneeded, until I learned how to pair down my life. I learned to simplify my life by giving up one thing a month. In the end, chocolate, coffee, shopping, elevators and even multitasking were stopped cold turkey for one month.

One month was enough time for me to review the habit, how much each thing meant in my life as well as giving ample time to long for the return of each item.

Today, I am still practicing the art of living with less, choosing elevators over the steps more than not, drinking only one cup of coffee per day, shopping out of necessity only and eating chocolate as a treat, not everyday.

Living with less has created an awareness for my everyday. I feel more present in the moment and less distracted. Less can truly be more.

Where do I begin?

For many people struggling with their endless supply of stuff, the prospect of starting seems like too overwhelming. Like those now defunct New Year's resolutions, we often bite off too much to chew.

Start small, be practical.

Have a bedroom to remodel? Start with a drawer.

Need to clean out the garage? Tackle the tools first.

Revamping a home office? File first, ask questions later.

The point is to start, start small. The time you take to overthink the project is taking away from the small actions that create the makeover you want.

Dessert to start?

Let's face it, there is always at least one task per day that is dreaded, the phone call, the filing, the budget. No matter what your "drag du jour" is, often times putting them off is the worse course of action.

My reccomendation is to start with the worse task first. The day will then be filled with all the good tasks of the day. Further proof from this philosophy comes from the classic book, The Road Less Travelled. Dr. Peck reccomends not delaying gratification which is exactly what we do each and everyday, by doing the good things first.

After all, we don't eat dessert first do we?

Size Does Not Matter

"I am going to fit into those size 2 Jordache jeans some day-- as soon as I lose that last 20 pounds!"

Most people who are having problems shedding unwanted pounds often have a hard time shedding closets full of old clothing as well.

Wouldn't it be much better to reward weight loss with a new top or pair of jeans, than trying to fit back into something that you wore in high school?

Chances are the styles have changed enough to make your look not quite retro, just plain out of style.

My suggestion, stop holding on to your former self and get current with who you want to be. An extra visit to the mall for a reward after a weight loss will have more meaning. Try it on for yourself!

Mental clutter

Getting organized is not only about the stuff that surrounds you. Many times disorder can come from a distracted mind. Before entering any organizational project, it is important to clear your mind of your to do list. In this multitasking society, this is not easy to do. Our mind is constantly moving on to the next idea or the next project.

An easy way to start is by taking 15 minutes at the beginning of the day. Schedule this time to work out a realistic plan for the day.

Be specific, be practical and work on clearing the mental clutter before anything else. These few moments of peace and planning will create a good foundation for the daily tasks of the day.

Consciously slowing your mind down to think through the day will help your productivity as well as your state of mind.

Why am I keeping this stuff?

The most common question I am asked when working with clients on organizing jobs,

"Why am I keeping this stuff?"

The answer becomes a series of other questions, equally cagey...

Can you get this information somewhere else?

Do you have duplicates of the same item?

When is the last time you used this?

Did you realize you even had it?

Would you really miss it, if it was gone?

My best piece of advice is to take the "why" out it, entirely. Here are some tips to help:

1. Examine the item on it's inherent value
2. Determine whether you will use it again
3. Assign a specific need for it

Once you have run the item through these questions, the why seems to take care of itself....

Baby Steps

Instead of taking on the world this resolution season, why not set a few simple goals that can be achieved over time?

Want to redo your entire home? Start small with a closet one weekend, then tackle the kitchen cabinets, the playroom and so on. Steady progress toward a larger goal will help you achieve more throughout the year.

Want to shed those holiday cookie pounds? Start with a bit more exercise in week one, integrate more vegetables into your diet and forgo the elevator for the steps. Increasing your activity and gradually changing your diet will go a long way.

No matter what your goal for 2006 is, you are more assured of getting there by taking a baby step at a time. It is the best way to make resolutions last all year long.